It will be followed by part II “The Gift of the Gab” where we explore effective techniques in far more detail.
A
common habit among new authors is adding superfluous explanation when the
characters say their piece:
“I
can’t believe you’re late again, Charlotte – and you gave the very same excuse
last Monday,” Lance said in exasperation.
Lance’s
exasperation should be apparent in the narrative – if not, then that is where
you should apply your self-editing.
Adverb abuse is often employed to explain the character’s
emotion – usually it is sufficient to simply remove the offending adverb if the
dialogue speaks for itself:
“The
truth is, I hate your guts and never want to see or hear from you again,” Charlotte
said [angrily] [cruelly] [truthfully] [vehemently] [harshly].
The same rule applies: the preceding narrative should have set the scene adequately to render such explanations redundant. If not, then that is where enhancements should be made.
The same rule applies: the preceding narrative should have set the scene adequately to render such explanations redundant. If not, then that is where enhancements should be made.
The
“S” word:
A review by Newgate Callender in the New York Times Book Review:
‘…Mr.
[Robert] Ludlum has other peculiarities. For example, he hates the “he said”
locution. Characters in The Bourne Ultimatum seldom “say” anything. Instead,
they cry, interject, interrupt, muse, state, counter, conclude, mumble, whisper
(Mr. Ludlum is great on whispers), intone, roar, exclaim, fume, explode,
mutter. There is one especially unforgettable tautology: “I repeat,” repeated
Alex.
The
book may sell in the billions, but it's still junk…’
It’s
common for new writers to try to avoid the “said” locution, but the fact is, “said”
is almost invisible, like a punctuation mark in effect, which the reader doesn’t
really read. So, regardless of what your “creative” writing mentor taught you,
learn to love and live with “said”. Of course, there are exceptions to every
rule and there are occasions where an alternative to “said” will add something
– but if you regard these alternatives as we regard the exclamation mark (use
them sparingly, for effect) then the reader will have a smooth experience and
not be conscious of your trying too hard to avoid using “said”.
“Don’t be such a tease, Charlotte
– where the hell is it? And how come you’re so in the know, my girl?”
“Loose lips sink ships,”
she teased. “Anyway, you’re ice cold at the moment.”
It's generally advisable to avoid impossible speaker attributions, such as where characters smile and grimace and laugh and chuckle words:
“Yes,
I knew the answer all along. I was just playing with your head,” he grinned.
Have
you ever tried “grinning” words? Go ahead, give it a go if you can’t see the
reasoning behind discarding such impossibilities. Of course, every rule has an exception and some contemporary novel voices use this kind of style... *sparingly*. Better not to have characters smiling/laughing words, etc., too often.
Trimming
speaker attributions:
Of course, a string of “he said, she said”
attributes can be clunky and unnecessary; often, we can remove some of them if
it’s obvious who is speaking – or replace them with a “beat” – a beat is a
small piece of action, usually involving a character:
Charlotte
crinkled her nose. “Now, I’m not eating that. I don’t care if it is soul food.”
We can also identify who is speaking if they
address the other character (in a two person dialogue scene)
“It’s not like I was actually asking you to, Charlotte.”
but
this quickly gets old and should be kept to a minimum – ask yourself, when
talking to your associates in real life, how often do you actually use their
name?
General
rules:
Nowadays, except perhaps for children’s books, the
locution order is “Carmen said” not “said Carmen” – in other words, “she said”
not “said she” and consistency is advised, though there are exceptions (as
always) where reversing the locution order helps with the flow and
comprehension:
“I
have a suggestion,” the man standing in the shadows near the arched doorway at
the far end of the hall said.
Better
that we attach the locution tag early (more about this next time) for the sake
of brevity:
“I
have a suggestion,” said the man standing in the shadows near the arched
doorway at the far end of the hall.
Dialogue intervention (when someone interrupts)
should have an un-spaced en or em dash, which is what the reader is accustomed
to:
“I
think it’s best for everyone if–”
“Who
cares what you think?” Lance said.
Trailing off speech is represented by an ellipsis (…) which is better un-spaced so it can’t end up stranded on a new line in (text flow) ePub:
“I
know I put the damn thing somewhere nearby – now, let me think…”
A new paragraph should be used per new speaker, of
course.
~ ~ ~
Thank you for reading this article.
Other Self Editing
articles:
